When the Belmonts Are Out: An American Most Wanted Special.

By: YingGirl and Pumpkin Jr.

(yinggirl_the_sephiroth_hunter@hotmail.com)

Note: American Most Wanted is a serious show that fights back when crime is around. Information based on these shows had lead to the capture of 623 criminals in counting. Fox Entertainment is one of its sponsors that help AMW by airing it on television. It’s also has teamed up with the FBI in aid to stop the most vicious criminals out there. Although in this story…THERE IS NO HOTLINE TO CALL IN FOR THE WHERE ABOUTS OF COUNT DRACULA. ALL CHARACTERS BASED IN THIS STORY AND INFORMATION IS FICTIONAL. IT NEVER HAPPEN (and let hope that Konami doesn’t do it) AND IT WON’T EVER HAPPEN. CastleVania characters are owned by the property of Konami. Enjoy!

John Walsh: *standing in front of a castle* Tonight we are here to give you the deepest, shallow history of searching for one man who caused so much torment. I am here standing in front of the elusive Castle Dracula that only appears once in a hundred years. But it somewhat has appeared for no apparent reason. With close investigation with the locals known as the “Belmonts”, the Count wasn’t in his residence. So here at America’s Most Wanted, we give you this special presentation of…”When the Belmonts Are Out”.

Narrator: This is Friday, August 18, 2000. For American’s Most Wanted. I’m some guy narrating and here is your host, John Walsh.

John Walsh: Good evening everyone and welcome to our special….

Trevor Belmont: *playing with the wires* Hey lookie!! This guy has whips that are combined into one!!!

Simon Belmont: How does one use a weapon?

Camera Man: DON’T TOUCH THAT!!!

John Walsh: Anyway, we are here to search out and take down the menace once and for and for all. Look out Count, cause AMW is going to hunt you down!!!

John Morris: Uh…what’s AMW?

Reinhart: Dunno.

Eric Lerade: Tequilla!!!!

John Walsh: *muttering* Dear God, who are these people anyway??

Camera Man: They’re the Belmonts. *see Trevor playing with the wires* HEY!!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO FRICKEN TOUCH THAT!!!!

Trevor Belmont: Can’t help myself. Hee hee…

Christopher Belmont: What strange weapons in the 20^th century.

John Walsh: Well if you folks at home are watching this, which I hope you didn’t, our phones are open for this special. Please call for anything information that will lead to Dracula.

Sonia Belmont: *sitting next to the phone* WHY DO I HAVE TO SIT NEXT TO THE (censored) PHONES??!!!

Sypha: These are items I have never seen before.

YingGirl: Can we call for pizza? *waves her tail*

John Walsh: *looks up* WHY ME?!!! *turns to the Camera Man* We have some interviews with some people who known the count pretty darn well. Please welcome Death!!!

Everyone Else: Aw crap!!!!

Death: *floats in* I despise that you mortals shall resist your pathetic attacks.

Trevor Belmont: Mommy, can we beat him up now?

Sonia Belmont: Let the floating grim reaper have his chance

Christopher Belmont: What’s wrong? Lil Trevor needs his mommy to protect

Trevor Belmont: At least my mommy’s a hottie.

Christopher Belmont: You’re right…maybe I should try her out. *winks*

YingGirl: Ewww!!! Insect!!!!

Sonia Belmont: What am I?!!! A (censored) (censored) with a (censored) whip?!!!!

Death: Can I talk now?

**the phones rings**

John Walsh: YES!!! WE HAVE A CALLER!!! *dashes towards the phones and picks it up* Do you have any information leading to Dracula?

Caller: Yeah uh…my friend and me were wondering since Sonia is real…does it means her t*ts are real too???

Sonia Belmont: PIG!!!!!!

John Walsh: And Gaibon made thanks for telephone variation that phone call.

Gaibon: *holding the phone* Crap.

Sonia Belmont: *holds onto her whip, glaring at the purple flying demon* YOU!!!!!

Gaibon: Gotta go.

Sonia Belmont: *chases after Gaibon* COME BACK HERE YOU MOTHER (censored) GAY (censored) PIECE OF (censored)!!!!!!

John Walsh That’s it!!! Get these people out of here!!!!

Eric Lerade: Tequilla!!!! *his hair starts to change colors*

Richter Belmont: His hair is changing color!!!!

John Morris: Point being?

John Walsh: This is the most screwiest special I have….

**the phone rings again**

Death: *picks up the phone and answers it* Hello?

Caller 2: Yeah I know about this….AHHHHHHHHHH!!! *instantly dies due to the Touch of Death*

Death: Hmm…wrong number.

John Walsh: Bring someone out!!! ANYONE!!!!

Victor Belmont: *enters* Hello all you adoring CV fans. It is I, Victor Belmont, the most popular vampire hunter there ever is!!!

Carrie: No you’re not, you game hasn’t come out yet.

Victor Belmont: *growls* Shut up, you lil pokemon supporter.

Carrie: Excuse me…but did you say what I think I said?

Victor Belmont: Well your N64 game got bad reviews due to the fact that CRAPMON also appeared at the same time.

Carrie: RAGE!!!!!! *dashes towards Victor and begins to beat the crap out of him*

Victor Belmont: EEE!!!!! I’M TOO CUTE TO BE BEATEN UP BY A GIRL!!!!

Trevor Belmont: Dude, what a pansy.

Reinhart: Loser.

Eric Lerade: Tequilla!!!!

John Walsh: Get someone else out here please!!!

**the phone rings again**

YingGirl: *picks it up and answers it* Y’hello??

Caller 3: I’m looking for some raw untainted flesh to satisfy my luscious craving of sweet embrace….

YingGirl: *gives the phone to Maria* Hey Maria, your damphile boyfriend is acting horny again.

Maria Renard: *faints*

Richter Belmont/Trevor Belmont: O.O;;;

John Walsh: And we have caught it on national television!!!! Fox producers are gonna be on my ass for this!!!

Sypha: Gimmie that! *snatches the phone from YingGirl, answering it* Oh yeah momma…let’s get it on!!!

Caller 3: Oh yes!!! Hurt me bad woman!!! Hurt me bad!!!

Trevor Belmont: *faints alongside with Maria*

Christopher Belmont: Hell I do that do if I didn’t have sex for like 500 years.

Death: *turns to John Walsh* Perhaps it should be called “Ambitious flirting Men and Women”.

YingGirl: Uh…what are they doing?

John Walsh: *cries* WHY DO YOU PEOPLE RUIN ME?!!!

Richter Belmont: Will they be all right?

Shaft: *enters* This world needs to be cleansed by the forge of chaos.

YingGirl: Why do I feel like this is gonna end up as “Survivor”?

John Morris: Who the hell is that?

Richter Belmont: Shaft.

John Morris: I thought he was a black person.

Richter Belmont: NOT THAT SHAFT!!!!

John Walsh: *bangs his head next to the phone desk repeatedly* Why? Why? Why? Why?….

Alucard: *watching the others from a distance* I never knew mortals can suffer such a cruel fate among themselves.

Camera Man: This is sad.

Dracula: *enters with a chick, holding onto his left arm* Mortals?!!! How dare they interfere my entrance to my domain?!!!

Everyone: *stops what they’re doing* DRACULA?!!!

YingGirl: I can 9-1-1 if things go screwy!!!

Sypha: *still on the phone* OH YES!!! YES!!! YES BABY!!!

Richter Belmont: Too late for that YingGirl.

Reinhart: Who’s the chick?

Dracula: I found this girl quite amusing and the perfect suitable lover.

Britney: *high pitch voice* Hiya everyone!! I hope you loved my song about “Lucky”.

Everyone: AHHHHH!!! IT’S BRITNEY SPEARS!!!!!

YingGirl: A 18 year old screwing with a 800-year-old man….can we say, “eww”??

Simon Belmont: You are a very dirty man!!!

Death: *in shocked* How could you go for her instead of me?!!! I do everything for you!!! And you go after some broad!!! Damn you!!! *floats away angrily*

Reinhart: What’s up his ass?

John Morris: Dunno.

Eric Lerade: TEQUILLA!!!!

YingGirl: Hoo boy.

Dracula: Now that’s cruel to our guest. Shall we let them see your talents?

Britney: Of course!!

John Walsh: She’s gonna to SING!!!!

Everyone: RUN FOR IT!!!!!

Britney: *sings* My loneliness is killing me, hey now!

Alucard: That does it!!! *leaps towards Britney, bearing his fangs*

Britney: *sings* It’s so….AHHHH!!!! *gets viciously attacked by Alucard*

Richter Belmont: Holy (censored) dude!!!!

YingGirl: Note to self, do NOT piss off Alucard.

John Walsh: Amamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamama…..

Alucard: *wipes his blood stained face* If there is another mortal that proclaims self idiocy to other mortals in ways that are even too stupid to explain, I swear I will hunt and kill any mortal that gets in my way. *begins to leave, leaving the torn apart corpse of Britney behind*

Dracula: That’s my boy!!!

Trevor Belmont: Is the show over?

YingGirl: Damn. He must be pretty damn good in bed.

Camera Man: And we’re signing off in 5…

John Walsh: Thank you for keeping up with this show. I’m John Walsh. Good night.

Sypha: *screams in pleasure, still on the phone*

The End.

.:.back.:.